Taking mom off the anti-depressants was a good idea. Of course, putting her on them was my suggestion-epic fail. I thought it would help….it did not. When Rick and I got there yesterday morning, her friend Nelly was there. They were an adorable pair-mom is not speaking clearly or loudly and Nelly forgot her hearing aid. If the topic weren’t so sad, it would have been funnier than hell. She is starting to really talk about death and dying. But before any of that shit happens, there is more good food that she wants to eat…That’s my mama!

I woke up to an amazing email from mom’s friend Barb. I have never met Barb. She doesn’t live here. But when Barb sends an email, it is always exactly what I need at that moment. It is uncanny! I cried when I read it and I cried when I read it to my husband. Everyone going through something like this needs a Barb! I can never thank you enough-you have helped me more than you will ever know! I hope that we can meet one day….

Mom was pretty sad yesterday, and no matter how much I tried to steer her toward good thoughts and fun memories, she cried. I cried. It’s heartbreaking. We actually managed to go to Sunday Funday brunch with good friends-we needed it. If they hadn’t made it so easy, we would not have done it, because fun right now, feels wrong somehow. Mom tried like hell to get us to go and run in the opposite direction getting her what she wanted, but we just put it off until later and it worked fine for all concerned, giving us a little fun which we sorely needed.

When we we got back later, Tyler and I took her out to see the supermoon. It was pretty damn cool, though mom didn’t seem that into it. We were. She is still so concerned about the damn tile, (yes, I agree it needs to be replaced and she should have done it years ago-but there was no way with what she went through with Mickey the last 9 years) so we finally picked it out and I will go tomorrow to order it and get it installed. I’m still not completely convinced that she will get to enjoy it, but it’s on her mind, and she wants it done and who am I to argue? It’s her money-her decision….I won’t order the granite countertops though unless we have a miracle cure….

Mom’s blood sugar was over 500 yesterday and she refused insulin because she said she doesn’t have diabetes. I’m no doctor, but I’m fairly certain that is a bad idea….her face is getting puffier, her feet are swollen, she’s looking bad. That’s a warning to anyone who plans to visit…..get ready-you will be alarmed.

Patricia is back in town today so I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Just knowing she’s around for advice and support makes this all a little less scary. And right now I think I need some advice.