I heard from the newlyweds late Friday night. They had a wonderful honeymoon and sounded very happy, despite the fact that they were delayed by 4 hours, flew through storms and got stuck in Dallas overnight because of the bad weather. All hotels around the airport were sold out….so they got to spend the night in the airport and fly to San Antonio through more storms, first thing in the morning to get their truck.

I saw mom in the early afternoon (after doing yard work at my house), and again later, leaving around 6:45. She hadn’t eaten much earlier, but I brought her some spinach empanadas and lentil soup from Patricia and she ate quite a bit and seemed to enjoy it. Food isn’t quite as big in her life as it once was. I’d be happy to go and get her anything at this point but I would say the days of cravings are long gone.

When I got to Handmaker on Sunday, Eduardo told me she’s not having a good day.  It was obvious, and as much as we would all like to believe things are fine, they’re just not, and saying they are, or pretending that’s the case, just won’t make it so. Sorry for being the voice of reason. I brought mom another empanada and some more soup, and she looked pained as she ate it, and then she started choking. I mean really choking where I had to yank her up and pound on her back as she was turning purple. It was terrifying. I finally got her to cough up some, but, yikes. I will never feed her again without another person in the room. Ever. I was shaking for about a half hour…..And yes I hit the call button, they’re just not that fast. I should have run into the hall and called for someone but it never crossed my mind.

A few of her friends came by to visit and Stan did manage to get some potato salad in her. But the swallowing thing isn’t working as well as it once did. She is still grimacing quite a bit and it does look like pain but who the hell knows. I left after she dozed off and came by a little later. She was in a different position with a different gown, but asleep. There was no waking her and she was making all kinds of noises both in breathing, mumbling  and moaning.

Her disease really has progressed quickly but it sure doesn’t feel like time has passed as quickly. It feels like the longest three months of my life. One of her friends mentioned yesterday that she will never live in a nursing home while she was visiting my mom in a…wait for it…nursing home. Really? I suggest you choose your illness very carefully, because sometimes there is no better alternative. I would love for mom to be in the guest room in my house, and if it weren’t for all the freaking stairs, she would be.

Have you ever felt that you were just kind of sleep-walking through your life? Haha me neither…..but these last few months, absolutely. I don’t feel like myself, I’m over-reacting when I shouldn’t be. I’m no fun anymore.