It took us forever to drag ourselves down to Handmaker yesterday. It was such a beautiful day and it was so nice at home. When we got to mom’s room, she was asleep. She seemed a little disoriented, wasn’t sure if anyone had visited (yes), whether she had occupational or physical therapy (both), or whether she had eaten (she had). I’m concerned. It seems like she is more and more confused. The nurse’s aid has noticed the same thing. Is it the infection, the tumor, something else?

Dr. Schroeder’s assistant called to ask why we cancelled mom’s appointment with him. I explained that we decided to move her treatment to Arizona Cancer Center and that we had already seen a new neurosurgeon who checked out her incision, and that everything was fine. Thankyouverymuch. A little while later she called again and I missed the call, but she left a message saying Dr. Schroeder would like to see her just one more time and could I please call and schedule that. Um, no, actually. I see no point. This is the same jackass that totally shamed me for even mentioning that we wanted mom to see Maria Bishop from the start. Sorry, but I owe this man nothing, except maybe a little contempt.

I need to get on the stick and try to find a few more tile samples. Out of the three I took to the house, two looked good, but mom nixed one because it had a texture and she prefers smooth. And then there was one. Sooooo, back to the drawing board. I feel like I just did this tile search exercise recently, oh that’s right, I did. I have to admit I kind of like this kind of thing, it’s just that I am used to being the decision maker…….

One more day until we see Maria Bishop again. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but still, I do hope to hear something positive or hell, anything at all. Just something. What’s going on, where are we headed, will she ever be well enough to live at home again? It’s kind of like what Tyler said, there’s always something hanging out there that we’re waiting for and it always eludes us, it moves farther away. So we wait, but we don’t really know what we’re waiting for.