My friend Vivian, put it best. I feel conflicted. I want my mom to get better and be able to go home. It’s what she wants so bad. But, when she’s in the hospital, I can breathe. Someone else is taking care of her and can help her if something goes wrong. I can visit her and make sure everything is going well, but I have some sort of life. How do I reconcile those feelings? I have absolutely no idea.

I will do things a little differently today, since her condition and situation is evolving constantly. As I receive new information, I will add it to the post rather than wait to write everything at the end of the day. Before heading down to the hospital, I decided to call her nurse and check her condition before speaking to her. The nurse told me that her left arm is still not functional, that they were waiting on cultures taken from the surgical site and that Dr Norton’s order was to continue the same. So she is not being discharged any time soon, it would seem. They also found MRSA in her nasal swab. I don’t even know what this means in the big picture. This poor woman cannot catch a freaking break.

I got a phone call from the case manager right before I left for the hospital. She talked about the MRSA, her current state of mind, what we may have to deal with in the near future. They are doing a contrast MRI to determine what is going on with the tumor and whether we should suspend radiation until the incision heals or if we should plow through. They will also be able to tell if there is a bleed in the brain that might be affecting the left hand. All in all nothing good today.

When you visit her in the hospital you have to wear gloves and a gown to protect yourself against contracting MRSA. So no hugs or kisses. I sat and talked to her and held her hand -my heart breaks for her.