The sleeping pills added an interesting twist…..She had one a little before 11 and slept soundly until a little after 2, at which time she rang the bell (thank god!). She said it was the best sleep ever and she felt great but needed to go to the restroom. Only her body was a 143 lb gumby. It did not want to cooperate at all. She tried and tried to prop herself up and get out of bed and we both started laughing so hard that it took even longer…It took us forever to get her there. When she realized it was still the middle of the night she said she wanted the second one that the doctor okayed. After taking it, she started to lie back down and then threw up. Well that was fun….She told me she thought she threw it up, but I said are you sure? What if you didn’t? I don’t want to OD you on this first night out. Seriously, bad idea. Just go back to bed. Which she did until 5:15. Another brief night, but a little better so I’m not complaining. Every night I get another half hour or so. It could be worse.

She really didn’t seem okay today. Weak, tired, other issues that no one, not even me, wants to hear about. But despite all that, we had some good conversations and nice moments, and we both felt a little better. Her mood swings are disconcerting. One moment happy and in the moment and the next sad, and living in the worst parts of the past. I feel her pain.

Her friend Gina came and spent a couple of hours with her and I ran to Target to pick up a few necessities and non-necessities. It’s Target, for god’s sake, you have to do both! Anyway, Gina also saw the changes in mom, and it made her as sad and upset as it made me. I cleaned out mom’s freezer, because, well, I’m German, and that’s the kind of crap we do when faced with adversity. I wiped down her washer and dryer because, um, see above. I made a vegetarian Chinese dinner and mom’s friend Bob joined us and then the new and exciting happened.

Connie came to spend the first night with mom. A break. Overnight! I got to spend the night in my own bed! Woohoo! There are few people I would trust more than Connie to take care of mom. She is experienced in this sort of thing and she worked for us at Dental Design for SO many years. She is probably the most loyal and trusted employee ever. And she is staying with mom!!! But, (you knew there would be a but), as I drove away, my elation at the freedom for the night was intermingled with pure guilt. Damn that emotion. As I sit here writing, I am wondering, is she okay? Will she try to get out of her bed on her own? Will she call my name or ring the bell and wonder who the hell is helping her and where the hell I am? I am having to physically refrain myself from calling or texting Connie to check up on things, because I am supposed to be catching up on my sleep once and for all.

On my drive home, I called my friend and favorite oncology nurse, Iris, and asked her about what was going on with mom. She assured me that between radiation and chemo, this is all to be expected and will indeed improve. Whew! As I told Rick about the call, he convinced me to call Gina to reassure her. I’m so glad I did. I think she needed to hear it as much as I did. And now, hopefully, some uninterrupted sleep…….