I love this photo!

How is it that I did not know what a roller coaster from hell this whole grieving thing is? Somehow I was unaware. Knowing logically, that we are supposed to bury our parents, that’s the way it should be, isn’t quite how it feels when you are on the loss side of that statement. While it may make total sense in the abstract, it is of no comfort whatsoever when the reality hits you. Last Friday, the 29th of April, was the six month anniversary of mom’s death. It still seems so unreal….Tyler, Rick and I went to Athens for a quiet dinner and toasted mom. It is so strange that I can feel happy one day and so incredibly sad the next. I can talk to Tyler about how mom lived her life to the fullest and appreciated every day and that she wouldn’t want us to mope around being sad. I can even mean it and believe it. At that moment.

Yesterday I stopped in at World Market and within the first 20 or 30 feet of entering the store, I came across three different sets mothers and daughters out shopping together. About the same ages as my mom and me. I just teared up and had to leave. Why her? Will I ever stop asking myself that question? Will I ever get over the fact that her neurosurgeon, in all likelihood, hastened her death? I’m still filled with rage where he is concerned. And the fact that I have no mother to celebrate for the first time this Mother’s Day is painful beyond belief. I miss her so much. I know we often drove each other crazy, which I think is very normal for strong-willed mothers and daughters, but I would give anything to have her drive me crazy one more time.