Today is my 58th birthday. I can’t begin to communicate just how crappy it felt to not get that very early morning happy birthday phone call from my mom. I’ve been trying to remember where I was and what I did on my last birthday when mom was still here. I have absolutely no idea. I cannot in any way remember. So much has transpired since then. I know that we had dinner with mom at some point either on my birthday or just before or after, like we did for all of our birthdays. It just seems that we take for granted that the people in our lives will just always be there, even though we know, rationally, that is not the case. It makes me so want to hold on tighter and make the most of the time we have. And at the same time I want to curl up in a dark corner and be alone. This. Has. Got. To. Get. Easier.

Tomorrow morning Rick and I will leave for Florida to spend a couple of nights before our Caribbean cruise takes off on Sunday. We are going to Turks and Caicos, US Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, and the Bahamas. We really need this trip! So much!