Today marks six years since my best friend, Valarie died. How can another year have gone by already? And what a year it’s been. I wish I could hit rewind and go back at least one year. I woke up this morning in the deepest funk. An uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. A part of me just wants to crawl back in bed and assume the fetal position. After the three mugs of coffee I downed, that is highly unlikely though. Some days are better than others but today is not one of them.

Jenna and I used to watch Sex and The City together when one of us was down. When my friend Carol’s son died two years ago, she and I spent many hours doing the same. Thursday seemed like it was a good day for it. Taylor brought over mom’s ashes in the morning and the accompanying death certificates. I couldn’t seem to get anything done after that. I spent hours looking for mom’s favorite heart pendant on the beautiful and very expensive chain she got for it back in August. Where the hell did I put it? I finally threw in the towel and put on a Sex and The City dvd. The first episode was good, the second one was the one where Miranda’s mom dies of a heart attack and her funeral. Not so uplifting……

Tyler and I were talking yesterday about the things we miss. God, there are so many. I can’t begin to name all the times I’ve wanted to pick up the phone and talk to my mom about this or that. Or to ask her advice on something. But the surprise is how many of the people who were such a big part of our lives the last few months are also kind of gone. It’s not like we’ve spent much time with our own friends these last months, but we have spent a lot of time seeing or talking or texting with so many of mom’s friends, who were so close to her……. We miss you guys too. I know we have to find our way and get accustomed to yet another new normal. But what else?