Will it happen tonight? Tomorrow? Next Wednesday? On Jenna’s wedding day? That’s what life is like now. It is painfully obvious that mom is fading away. The question is when. Every day I see my mom, I am happy for what is left of her and sad for how much we have already lost. How long can this painful daily good-bye go on? It is unbearable.

Hospice care is in place. It’s the right way to go, but difficult nonetheless. Mom had a pretty good day. She didn’t eat a lot, she tried to communicate but it was often difficult to understand her. I always felt loved. My mom has always been honest and direct, generous, supportive and understanding. Yesterday she was loving and sweet. She wants to Skype with her sister today one more time.

After speaking to mom’s doctors, hospice nurse and social worker (and getting another stellar email from mom’s friend Barb), I know what I have to do next. It is not something I am looking forward to. Today is the day I will attempt to drag myself to the funeral home and make mom’s final arrangements. It makes me physically ill. I also have to write her obituary. It took me about 10 minutes to write Mickey’s but I have a feeling this one won’t go as quickly. I also have to cancel the airline tickets for the wedding and switch out the rooms at the hotel.

I have to designate someone to be in charge in my absence. This is not as easy as it might sound. It can’t be anyone who is too emotional, it needs to be someone who is level headed. And of course willing to grab the reins. Quite a tall order, it seems.